When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
