You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
