Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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