apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
