hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
