If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
