btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
