My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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