Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
