If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
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