Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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