Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My vagina is officially offended.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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