Please, let me fuck your mom
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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