he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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