Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
