you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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