Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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