Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
