im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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