There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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