I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
