Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
