I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
