the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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