So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
