Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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