piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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