Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
