Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
