Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
