im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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