I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
