I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
