Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
