Your tits are I can't wait for
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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