I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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