apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
