I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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