She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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