mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
