i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
