I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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