I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
