Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
