if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
