And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
where are my eyebrows?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
