The best revenge is premature balding
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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