How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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