Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
