Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
