Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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