Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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