i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
