you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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