She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
