I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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