Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
